i would just hold off bro... you are not mentally ready... perhaps start with something like sarms etc... this is something you have to be completely ready for and thats okay... it took me so long to get mentally ready before i first started...
if you are not familiar with sarms, start with articles here…
https://www.isarms.com/selective-androgen-receptor-modulators
let me know and im happy to help you set up a sarms stack…