HIV recovery and now ready to add some mass and shred som fat

[Jamthe1]

Ok bro--good luck. I hope that you hear what you are saying. It is like an alcoholic who finds out he has cirrhosis. Then he stops drinking and slowly his liver enzymes get normal....so he starts drinking again. You are playing russian roulette with your immun system.

Thanks man. I'm aware of what I'm doing and saying and believe that to some degree both the alcoholic and I will be able to do it as long as we don't push it too much. I don't think our bodies are so fragile that it can't recover again as long as we use a bit of common sense (I know the question is if I have that or are just plain stupid)

 

[SpikedEggnog]

[quote="drb_iac":1p9o8yc5]The albuterol and endurorush are NOT good for your condition. I would not use either. Albuterol is for asthma not a steriod for muscle. HIV + means very little stimulants only coffee in moderation. Hgh is ok. If you got gyno then you should avoid any steriods.If your test levels are low then replacement is ok along with heavy oct. I would try the super sarms stack and hgh together. Nothing else. Give your endurorush to a bud, do not take it. Take calcium maybe 6 Tums per day, multi vitamins, and be sure to take a lot of water. Keep your Na and K levels in check. Do not get dehydrated. When you take a piss it should be the color of water. So piss in the bowl and take a look. You should not be able to tell that piss is in there. Use heavy weights and do only moderate cardio. Sleep is very important, no alcohol at all. HIV+ is for the rest of your life, so you need to nuture yourself with a good healthy lifestyle. A good mental outlook always helps.

I'm not saying that anything of what you tell me is wrong because of course it's good to do whatever I can to stay healthy. I just wonder how I can get more and more well (blood samples) and everyone around me who doesn't know that I'm sick tells me how good I look, if what you say about stimulants is true cuz I have had a heavy intake of stimulants for a long time (pwo shake with lots of caffeine, albuterol, Ritalin and even methamphetamine once in a while).
I do take orange triads as multi vitamins, extra vitamin c and fish oil as supplements everyday. Sleep is also 7-9 hours per night.

My piss is always pretty yellow and I think it comes from excessive use of vitamins because I drink lots of water all day long.

If I haven't got bad gyno both times I've used hgh I would for sure use that all year around and that's exactly why I want to use tbol to get some extra mass which I can maintain afterwards without having to worry about gyno.

A bit confused regarding the endurashred. If it's legit and consists of osta and gw why should I avoid it at all costs and then go for triple sarms stack which is the same just with added s4??

Bro look...if you take stims you are accelerating your processes. Too many stims are considered catabolic. I don't know how you get good sleep always stimulated.
I have not used endurashred, but I have heard doubts about it being consistent and the real thing.Pure essence would be better. If your piss is to the bright yellow side then ok...that is B vitamins, but if it tends toward dark then drink up. Just stay hyrdrated, so that all of your metabolic pathways can work with what they need...namely water. Stimulants dehydrate you.You should head toward a holistic approach to your health and not so much on chemicals. And if you look good then that is great, but that is not a reflection of what you look like on the inside. Just like a smiling face is not always a happy face.
If you were to do a cycle then I would go low dose, such as 200-250 test and do it for 12 weeks each year. Otherwise sarms and hgh.

I only use stimulants in daytime before workout except the meth of course but that's only once every month or two when I hit the pub just to feel that I still can have a bit of fun.

I get you regarding the outside vs inside but it's from my blood samples that I judge my health (CD4 which is around 800 (normal range between 600 and 1.000)) A person with a simple cold could easily have a CD4 less than 600 so as long as mine is above that I choose to still enjoy some of the more unhealthy things in life. As you mentioned, a healthy mental state is very important and I'm as happy as before I got sick and actually only get reminded of my sickness because of the single pill I have to eat everyday.

Anyway I already had made my mind regarding this cycle, I just wanted to hear some thoughts about the setup. I might skip the endurashred if it aint the real thing anyway and maybe order some GW by itself to throw in.

Thanks a lot for all your answers and I know I'm stubborn and stupid to not follow your advices but I've feel that I have a good feeling regarding my health because I have monitored it closely for a year now, plus I've gained enough of knowledge about my sickness to know that it's not as dangerous and deadly as people tends to think. If my CD4 gets low it's just to stay healthy for a while and it'll go up again so I don't see a big risk as long as I keep an eye on the blood work.[/quote:1p9o8yc5]

dude, you mean to tell me you are doing Meth before you go out to Drink??

 

[SpikedEggnog]

Hey guys, I'm new here so I'll start with a presentation.
I'm 33 years old, 185cm tall, weighs around 85 kg.
Cycle history: ph, tbol, var, hgh which all was 5-6 years ago.
Until recently I had decided to never touch gear again because of gyno issues (2 times surgery) which probably started from my ph cycle where I didn't do any pct (yeah stupid, I know and leaned the hard way) and then it came back on both my two hgh cycles.

A year ago I found out that I've got HIV and my world fell apart for some month before I decided that I was going to straighten up and get back on track.
I started eating healthier, working out again, stop doing drugs and stop partying all the time and in combination with my daily HIV medication, the result is that the HIV virus now are undetectable in my blood samples.
I'm now more healthy than I've been for many years and I've regained most of the mass which I had lost after years of laziness, partying and at last my sickness, but unfortunately I've also gained more fat than I wished for.
I have recently watched a YouTube video of a bodybuilder who has HIV as well, who mentioned as I already knew that muscle mass is crucial when fighting sicknesses like HIV, cancer etc. and that made me start thinking about gear again.

First I decided to keep it simple with just tbol at 60-80 mg. ed. for 6 weeks followed by nolva as pct. Then I decided to add some proviron at 50 mg. ed. Then I decided to add albuterol 24 mg. ed. for the fat and cholesterol benefits. Finally I've ordered endurashred which has Osta 10mg and GW 7mg per serving which I would take twice a day.
Because of my fear for returning gyno I've bought both nolva, aromasin and letro just to be completely covered.
For supports and nutrition I have tudca, orange triads, fish oil, tongkat ali, glucosamine, beta alanine, citrulline malate and of course whey protein.

As everyone else I of course would love to gain as much lean mass and loose as much fat as possible and get the most pleasurable pct and recovering as possible.

Would it be best to combine all of the compounds or spilt it up in two cycles:
bulk (tbol/proviron)
cut (endurashred/albuterol)?

If all compounds are combined how would you set up the cycle?

I have read that some people has got gyno from osta so should I run a low dose aromasin with it and how much would be enough to prevent my existing small lump to flare up again?

I know that a test base will be everyone's advice but that's not an option right now.

Really appreciate if you would help me out guys.

Thanks in advance.

ok let me get this straight. Your height/ weight looks ok. What is your BF? Albuterol & endurashed are shit and you never take them again..ok? How did you use the hcg? Are you saying that you got gyno from tbol and proviron? If so then never take steroids again. Proviron does nothing for bodybuiling and was developed to not cause gyno in the days when there was no oct or pct. So then you must have gotten gyno from tbol. If I am correct here then you should do sarms and sarms only. I really do not see how you got gyno. Also are you saying that you had hiv but are not positive now?

he couldve gotten fake TBol - maybe they gave him DBol instead, so he got gyno..

 

[Jamthe1]

[quote="drb_iac":286hd9ea]The albuterol and endurorush are NOT good for your condition. I would not use either. Albuterol is for asthma not a steriod for muscle. HIV + means very little stimulants only coffee in moderation. Hgh is ok. If you got gyno then you should avoid any steriods.If your test levels are low then replacement is ok along with heavy oct. I would try the super sarms stack and hgh together. Nothing else. Give your endurorush to a bud, do not take it. Take calcium maybe 6 Tums per day, multi vitamins, and be sure to take a lot of water. Keep your Na and K levels in check. Do not get dehydrated. When you take a piss it should be the color of water. So piss in the bowl and take a look. You should not be able to tell that piss is in there. Use heavy weights and do only moderate cardio. Sleep is very important, no alcohol at all. HIV+ is for the rest of your life, so you need to nuture yourself with a good healthy lifestyle. A good mental outlook always helps.

I'm not saying that anything of what you tell me is wrong because of course it's good to do whatever I can to stay healthy. I just wonder how I can get more and more well (blood samples) and everyone around me who doesn't know that I'm sick tells me how good I look, if what you say about stimulants is true cuz I have had a heavy intake of stimulants for a long time (pwo shake with lots of caffeine, albuterol, Ritalin and even methamphetamine once in a while).
I do take orange triads as multi vitamins, extra vitamin c and fish oil as supplements everyday. Sleep is also 7-9 hours per night.

My piss is always pretty yellow and I think it comes from excessive use of vitamins because I drink lots of water all day long.

If I haven't got bad gyno both times I've used hgh I would for sure use that all year around and that's exactly why I want to use tbol to get some extra mass which I can maintain afterwards without having to worry about gyno.

A bit confused regarding the endurashred. If it's legit and consists of osta and gw why should I avoid it at all costs and then go for triple sarms stack which is the same just with added s4??

Bro look...if you take stims you are accelerating your processes. Too many stims are considered catabolic. I don't know how you get good sleep always stimulated.
I have not used endurashred, but I have heard doubts about it being consistent and the real thing.Pure essence would be better. If your piss is to the bright yellow side then ok...that is B vitamins, but if it tends toward dark then drink up. Just stay hyrdrated, so that all of your metabolic pathways can work with what they need...namely water. Stimulants dehydrate you.You should head toward a holistic approach to your health and not so much on chemicals. And if you look good then that is great, but that is not a reflection of what you look like on the inside. Just like a smiling face is not always a happy face.
If you were to do a cycle then I would go low dose, such as 200-250 test and do it for 12 weeks each year. Otherwise sarms and hgh.

I only use stimulants in daytime before workout except the meth of course but that's only once every month or two when I hit the pub just to feel that I still can have a bit of fun.

I get you regarding the outside vs inside but it's from my blood samples that I judge my health (CD4 which is around 800 (normal range between 600 and 1.000)) A person with a simple cold could easily have a CD4 less than 600 so as long as mine is above that I choose to still enjoy some of the more unhealthy things in life. As you mentioned, a healthy mental state is very important and I'm as happy as before I got sick and actually only get reminded of my sickness because of the single pill I have to eat everyday.

Anyway I already had made my mind regarding this cycle, I just wanted to hear some thoughts about the setup. I might skip the endurashred if it aint the real thing anyway and maybe order some GW by itself to throw in.

Thanks a lot for all your answers and I know I'm stubborn and stupid to not follow your advices but I've feel that I have a good feeling regarding my health because I have monitored it closely for a year now, plus I've gained enough of knowledge about my sickness to know that it's not as dangerous and deadly as people tends to think. If my CD4 gets low it's just to stay healthy for a while and it'll go up again so I don't see a big risk as long as I keep an eye on the blood work.

dude, you mean to tell me you are doing Meth before you go out to Drink??[/quote:286hd9ea]

Yeah. After I "stopped" partying, drinking and heavy drug use, I get drunk of two glasses so not much fun if I can only stay for 20 min. Also it gives me kind of the nice feeling I was used to get from extacy in the old days, so I really enjoy being social on it once in a while.

Now when we speak about it, my past is also a good proof of how the body can recover. I did pain killers, sleeping meds combined with amphetamine and extacy on a daily basis back in the days and my liver etc is still like a normal persons. Never had any health issues from the extreme amounts of junk I've put into my body.

 

[Jamthe1]

Hey guys, I'm new here so I'll start with a presentation.
I'm 33 years old, 185cm tall, weighs around 85 kg.
Cycle history: ph, tbol, var, hgh which all was 5-6 years ago.
Until recently I had decided to never touch gear again because of gyno issues (2 times surgery) which probably started from my ph cycle where I didn't do any pct (yeah stupid, I know and leaned the hard way) and then it came back on both my two hgh cycles.

A year ago I found out that I've got HIV and my world fell apart for some month before I decided that I was going to straighten up and get back on track.
I started eating healthier, working out again, stop doing drugs and stop partying all the time and in combination with my daily HIV medication, the result is that the HIV virus now are undetectable in my blood samples.
I'm now more healthy than I've been for many years and I've regained most of the mass which I had lost after years of laziness, partying and at last my sickness, but unfortunately I've also gained more fat than I wished for.
I have recently watched a YouTube video of a bodybuilder who has HIV as well, who mentioned as I already knew that muscle mass is crucial when fighting sicknesses like HIV, cancer etc. and that made me start thinking about gear again.

First I decided to keep it simple with just tbol at 60-80 mg. ed. for 6 weeks followed by nolva as pct. Then I decided to add some proviron at 50 mg. ed. Then I decided to add albuterol 24 mg. ed. for the fat and cholesterol benefits. Finally I've ordered endurashred which has Osta 10mg and GW 7mg per serving which I would take twice a day.
Because of my fear for returning gyno I've bought both nolva, aromasin and letro just to be completely covered.
For supports and nutrition I have tudca, orange triads, fish oil, tongkat ali, glucosamine, beta alanine, citrulline malate and of course whey protein.

As everyone else I of course would love to gain as much lean mass and loose as much fat as possible and get the most pleasurable pct and recovering as possible.

Would it be best to combine all of the compounds or spilt it up in two cycles:
bulk (tbol/proviron)
cut (endurashred/albuterol)?

If all compounds are combined how would you set up the cycle?

I have read that some people has got gyno from osta so should I run a low dose aromasin with it and how much would be enough to prevent my existing small lump to flare up again?

I know that a test base will be everyone's advice but that's not an option right now.

Really appreciate if you would help me out guys.

Thanks in advance.

ok let me get this straight. Your height/ weight looks ok. What is your BF? Albuterol & endurashed are shit and you never take them again..ok? How did you use the hcg? Are you saying that you got gyno from tbol and proviron? If so then never take steroids again. Proviron does nothing for bodybuiling and was developed to not cause gyno in the days when there was no oct or pct. So then you must have gotten gyno from tbol. If I am correct here then you should do sarms and sarms only. I really do not see how you got gyno. Also are you saying that you had hiv but are not positive now?

he couldve gotten fake TBol - maybe they gave him DBol instead, so he got gyno..

The gains from the tbol wasn't that crazy and I didn't hold any water gains plus I kept my gains after pct so I really don't think it was dbol. As I mentioned I did a pro hormone cycle without any ai or pct not long time before the tbol cycle so most likely it was that stupidity which started the gyno.

 

[drb_iac]

well man good luck. The body is indeed an amazing thing. I did meth, ludes, booze,xanbars,tren,dbol...oh fuck..you name it. But when I hit about 35 I put the brakes on because bod was not responding to abuse as it used to. YOU are already compromised and are pushing the issue, up to you man. I look at it this way...the worst thing can happen is I die and I ain't scared of that. BUT I am scared of being bedridden for 20 years, and becoming an albatross for my wife and sons. Godspeed!

 

[SpikedEggnog]

[quote="drb_iac":3gthgq0v]The albuterol and endurorush are NOT good for your condition. I would not use either. Albuterol is for asthma not a steriod for muscle. HIV + means very little stimulants only coffee in moderation. Hgh is ok. If you got gyno then you should avoid any steriods.If your test levels are low then replacement is ok along with heavy oct. I would try the super sarms stack and hgh together. Nothing else. Give your endurorush to a bud, do not take it. Take calcium maybe 6 Tums per day, multi vitamins, and be sure to take a lot of water. Keep your Na and K levels in check. Do not get dehydrated. When you take a piss it should be the color of water. So piss in the bowl and take a look. You should not be able to tell that piss is in there. Use heavy weights and do only moderate cardio. Sleep is very important, no alcohol at all. HIV+ is for the rest of your life, so you need to nuture yourself with a good healthy lifestyle. A good mental outlook always helps.

I'm not saying that anything of what you tell me is wrong because of course it's good to do whatever I can to stay healthy. I just wonder how I can get more and more well (blood samples) and everyone around me who doesn't know that I'm sick tells me how good I look, if what you say about stimulants is true cuz I have had a heavy intake of stimulants for a long time (pwo shake with lots of caffeine, albuterol, Ritalin and even methamphetamine once in a while).
I do take orange triads as multi vitamins, extra vitamin c and fish oil as supplements everyday. Sleep is also 7-9 hours per night.

My piss is always pretty yellow and I think it comes from excessive use of vitamins because I drink lots of water all day long.

If I haven't got bad gyno both times I've used hgh I would for sure use that all year around and that's exactly why I want to use tbol to get some extra mass which I can maintain afterwards without having to worry about gyno.

A bit confused regarding the endurashred. If it's legit and consists of osta and gw why should I avoid it at all costs and then go for triple sarms stack which is the same just with added s4??

Bro look...if you take stims you are accelerating your processes. Too many stims are considered catabolic. I don't know how you get good sleep always stimulated.
I have not used endurashred, but I have heard doubts about it being consistent and the real thing.Pure essence would be better. If your piss is to the bright yellow side then ok...that is B vitamins, but if it tends toward dark then drink up. Just stay hyrdrated, so that all of your metabolic pathways can work with what they need...namely water. Stimulants dehydrate you.You should head toward a holistic approach to your health and not so much on chemicals. And if you look good then that is great, but that is not a reflection of what you look like on the inside. Just like a smiling face is not always a happy face.
If you were to do a cycle then I would go low dose, such as 200-250 test and do it for 12 weeks each year. Otherwise sarms and hgh.

I only use stimulants in daytime before workout except the meth of course but that's only once every month or two when I hit the pub just to feel that I still can have a bit of fun.

I get you regarding the outside vs inside but it's from my blood samples that I judge my health (CD4 which is around 800 (normal range between 600 and 1.000)) A person with a simple cold could easily have a CD4 less than 600 so as long as mine is above that I choose to still enjoy some of the more unhealthy things in life. As you mentioned, a healthy mental state is very important and I'm as happy as before I got sick and actually only get reminded of my sickness because of the single pill I have to eat everyday.

Anyway I already had made my mind regarding this cycle, I just wanted to hear some thoughts about the setup. I might skip the endurashred if it aint the real thing anyway and maybe order some GW by itself to throw in.

Thanks a lot for all your answers and I know I'm stubborn and stupid to not follow your advices but I've feel that I have a good feeling regarding my health because I have monitored it closely for a year now, plus I've gained enough of knowledge about my sickness to know that it's not as dangerous and deadly as people tends to think. If my CD4 gets low it's just to stay healthy for a while and it'll go up again so I don't see a big risk as long as I keep an eye on the blood work.

dude, you mean to tell me you are doing Meth before you go out to Drink??

Yeah. After I "stopped" partying, drinking and heavy drug use, I get drunk of two glasses so not much fun if I can only stay for 20 min. Also it gives me kind of the nice feeling I was used to get from extacy in the old days, so I really enjoy being social on it once in a while.

Now when we speak about it, my past is also a good proof of how the body can recover. I did pain killers, sleeping meds combined with amphetamine and extacy on a daily basis back in the days and my liver etc is still like a normal persons. Never had any health issues from the extreme amounts of junk I've put into my body.[/quote:3gthgq0v]

""Thanks a lot for all your answers and I know I'm stubborn and stupid to not follow your advice""

You said it yourself man, and I agree. You have HIV and you are going out drinking and smoking Meth?? Man come on dude..life is not all about "having fun", there is more to it then that. PLUS if you can't have fun without Liquor or Drugs then you need to fix your problems - it may make you "happy" or feel good, but that doesn't mean it's a good way to live your life..

My advice is to stop drinking, stop doing Meth, and stop using so many Stimulants. Get your cals and macros in check and start working out hard - and you can start building some muscle and focusing your energy into something good rather then going out drinking and what not..

and for the record I've done stupid and dangerous stuff when I was younger. I drank, I smoked, I partied..a lot of people did. I also almost died plenty of times riding my motorcycle and I was doing stupid stuff like going 150 mph in a 60. Just because I didn't die or have health problems from stuff I did doesn't mean it's OK for me to continue to do. that is completely backwards thinking. When I started thinking about myself as a person and the man I will become if I continue down this road, it was not pretty. I turned away from all that stuff man, and I decided I wanted to be a good person and not live like the rest of the world. You see, to me bodybuilding is more then just "looking good at beach", i dont care about looking good. its more then just building muscle. its a lifestyle. and it seems to me you are having problems giving up some of your old habits. all i know is i have a clear conscience before God and I do NOT want to sacrifice my character or integrity acting like I did when I was younger, it is not worth it..

 

[Jamthe1]

well man good luck. The body is indeed an amazing thing. I did meth, ludes, booze,xanbars,tren,dbol...oh fuck..you name it. But when I hit about 35 I put the brakes on because bod was not responding to abuse as it used to. YOU are already compromised and are pushing the issue, up to you man. I look at it this way...the worst thing can happen is I die and I ain't scared of that. BUT I am scared of being bedridden for 20 years, and becoming an albatross for my wife and sons. Godspeed!

Thanks again. Yeah you are right. I have lived my life like there were no tomorrow, I don't have children and sometimes I think my wife would be better without me so what the hell haha. Peace! :mrgreen:

 

[Jamthe1]

[quote="Jamthe1":ano6ywbj][quote="drb_iac":ano6ywbj]The albuterol and endurorush are NOT good for your condition. I would not use either. Albuterol is for asthma not a steriod for muscle. HIV + means very little stimulants only coffee in moderation. Hgh is ok. If you got gyno then you should avoid any steriods.If your test levels are low then replacement is ok along with heavy oct. I would try the super sarms stack and hgh together. Nothing else. Give your endurorush to a bud, do not take it. Take calcium maybe 6 Tums per day, multi vitamins, and be sure to take a lot of water. Keep your Na and K levels in check. Do not get dehydrated. When you take a piss it should be the color of water. So piss in the bowl and take a look. You should not be able to tell that piss is in there. Use heavy weights and do only moderate cardio. Sleep is very important, no alcohol at all. HIV+ is for the rest of your life, so you need to nuture yourself with a good healthy lifestyle. A good mental outlook always helps.

I'm not saying that anything of what you tell me is wrong because of course it's good to do whatever I can to stay healthy. I just wonder how I can get more and more well (blood samples) and everyone around me who doesn't know that I'm sick tells me how good I look, if what you say about stimulants is true cuz I have had a heavy intake of stimulants for a long time (pwo shake with lots of caffeine, albuterol, Ritalin and even methamphetamine once in a while).
I do take orange triads as multi vitamins, extra vitamin c and fish oil as supplements everyday. Sleep is also 7-9 hours per night.

My piss is always pretty yellow and I think it comes from excessive use of vitamins because I drink lots of water all day long.

If I haven't got bad gyno both times I've used hgh I would for sure use that all year around and that's exactly why I want to use tbol to get some extra mass which I can maintain afterwards without having to worry about gyno.

A bit confused regarding the endurashred. If it's legit and consists of osta and gw why should I avoid it at all costs and then go for triple sarms stack which is the same just with added s4??

Bro look...if you take stims you are accelerating your processes. Too many stims are considered catabolic. I don't know how you get good sleep always stimulated.
I have not used endurashred, but I have heard doubts about it being consistent and the real thing.Pure essence would be better. If your piss is to the bright yellow side then ok...that is B vitamins, but if it tends toward dark then drink up. Just stay hyrdrated, so that all of your metabolic pathways can work with what they need...namely water. Stimulants dehydrate you.You should head toward a holistic approach to your health and not so much on chemicals. And if you look good then that is great, but that is not a reflection of what you look like on the inside. Just like a smiling face is not always a happy face.
If you were to do a cycle then I would go low dose, such as 200-250 test and do it for 12 weeks each year. Otherwise sarms and hgh.

I only use stimulants in daytime before workout except the meth of course but that's only once every month or two when I hit the pub just to feel that I still can have a bit of fun.

I get you regarding the outside vs inside but it's from my blood samples that I judge my health (CD4 which is around 800 (normal range between 600 and 1.000)) A person with a simple cold could easily have a CD4 less than 600 so as long as mine is above that I choose to still enjoy some of the more unhealthy things in life. As you mentioned, a healthy mental state is very important and I'm as happy as before I got sick and actually only get reminded of my sickness because of the single pill I have to eat everyday.

Anyway I already had made my mind regarding this cycle, I just wanted to hear some thoughts about the setup. I might skip the endurashred if it aint the real thing anyway and maybe order some GW by itself to throw in.

Thanks a lot for all your answers and I know I'm stubborn and stupid to not follow your advices but I've feel that I have a good feeling regarding my health because I have monitored it closely for a year now, plus I've gained enough of knowledge about my sickness to know that it's not as dangerous and deadly as people tends to think. If my CD4 gets low it's just to stay healthy for a while and it'll go up again so I don't see a big risk as long as I keep an eye on the blood work.

dude, you mean to tell me you are doing Meth before you go out to Drink??

Yeah. After I "stopped" partying, drinking and heavy drug use, I get drunk of two glasses so not much fun if I can only stay for 20 min. Also it gives me kind of the nice feeling I was used to get from extacy in the old days, so I really enjoy being social on it once in a while.

Now when we speak about it, my past is also a good proof of how the body can recover. I did pain killers, sleeping meds combined with amphetamine and extacy on a daily basis back in the days and my liver etc is still like a normal persons. Never had any health issues from the extreme amounts of junk I've put into my body.[/quote:ano6ywbj]

""Thanks a lot for all your answers and I know I'm stubborn and stupid to not follow your advice""

You said it yourself man, and I agree. You have HIV and you are going out drinking and smoking Meth?? Man come on dude..life is not all about "having fun", there is more to it then that. PLUS if you can't have fun without Liquor or Drugs then you need to fix your problems - it may make you "happy" or feel good, but that doesn't mean it's a good way to live your life..

My advice is to stop drinking, stop doing Meth, and stop using so many Stimulants. Get your cals and macros in check and start working out hard - and you can start building some muscle and focusing your energy into something good rather then going out drinking and what not..

and for the record I've done stupid and dangerous stuff when I was younger. I drank, I smoked, I partied..a lot of people did. I also almost died plenty of times riding my motorcycle and I was doing stupid stuff like going 150 mph in a 60. Just because I didn't die or have health problems from stuff I did doesn't mean it's OK for me to continue to do. that is completely backwards thinking. When I started thinking about myself as a person and the man I will become if I continue down this road, it was not pretty. I turned away from all that stuff man, and I decided I wanted to be a good person and not live like the rest of the world. You see, to me bodybuilding is more then just "looking good at beach", i dont care about looking good. its more then just building muscle. its a lifestyle. and it seems to me you are having problems giving up some of your old habits. all i know is i have a clear conscience before God and I do NOT want to sacrifice my character or integrity acting like I did when I was younger, it is not worth it..[/quote:ano6ywbj]

I completely understand what you mean and even it might sound like I'm stupid it ain't the case. I know what wrong or right, good or bad but I'm just a bit different when it comes to hopes and dreams for the future. I have never wanted children and dreamed of building a family etc. I've tried to settle down but really gets bored. Now I moved to Thailand where I have a nice job (a job where I can be lazy and still get a good living) and feel that I've accomplished more than I could hope for so if I die tomorrow I won't regret anything because I've really lived my life.

But actually I am only drinking and doing drugs once a month and trying to live a reasonable healthy life with daily exercise (weights/cardio) and I'm pretty satisfied with what I do and what I have so its not that I'm trying to kill myself I just don't want to quit having those pleasures as well. I love adrenaline kick so it might be a car crash or failed bungy jump that will kill me anyway haha.