Hi Guys, brace yourself for a long read!
Many of you have known and tried your best to help me on these forums for a couple of years now. I would ask questions in a very panic, desperate state being worried sick about having a limp penis, low libido etc.
Today i post my question with a more inquisitive mind; how have i not recovered after all these years and various methods?
A bried synopsis of my history:
Started prohormones at 19 around 2012-2013 (young i know).
i went to a supplement shop with $80 and a product that could help me get more gains.
I was offered double dragon for $90 and superdrol 250 for $70.
Obviously only having enough for superdrol, i bought the product along with liver care and made sure to follow his instructions.
I did research on SD online and i read the warnings about only using it once you hit 21. Immediately i went back to the supplement shop and asked for a refund.
The man on duty, surely not wanting to lose his sale, informed me that its the same as drinking alcohol at 18-19 when the age is 21. As long as you do it responsibly, you'll have no problems. Also come back to me for PCT products and you'll definitely be good to go.
Being only 19 and tired of feeling weak and being pushed around, i decided to follow his advice and proceeded to use superdrol, unknowingly hinder my life as i knew it.
I used superdrol for 30 days on and 30 days off back to back to back.
I went back to him after i finished each time and he gave me this product that he swore would aid in recovery. Looking back at the products he gave me now, they were mere test boosters and such junk. He really didn't give a fuck about me, only cared about making his commission.
I stop superdrol after the 3rd time because i was already big enough and didn't have any desire to do anything anymore.
Fastforward to Nov 2014.
I'm 5'9 190 lbs and huge.
However I felt depressed and extremely anxious on top of that. Safe to say those were the sideeffects of messing with my hormones at an early age.
I felt like doing another bottle of superdrol but before i could start, BAM, I got hit by a car while crossing the street!
luckily i was fine for the most part but i suffered a decent amount of damage to my right hand, i was out of the gym for 5 months and lost 30 lbs.
Determined to get my gains back after my injury, i had a connect to my first injectable testosterone supplement. I did a 12 week cycle and got almost all my gains back! Felt great and motivated and bounced from 160-190.
Unfortunately i dropped back to 177-180 after pct but it was all good.
After this pct in the summer of 2015 is when i noticed i didnt feel quite right.
I went to the doctor for the first time and we ran blood, but my test came back fine.
Even though the tests showed all was in range, i wasn't quite convinced.
Towards for the end of summer 2015, i stupidly followed the advice of a friend who told me to just hop back on cycle, and taper my test dosage and come off correctly; i didnt taper my previous cycle. Also this would be the first cycle in which i incoorperate hcg.
i did another 12 week cycle from september to dec and started pct early Jan 2016. Towards the end of the cycle i started to experience High estrogen symptoms which i didnt know at the time, I never had to use an AI during cycle and had no idea what was going but I finished out the cycle.
I did hcg for 2 weeks after my final test shot, followed by clomid and nolva for a month. Everything was going well until 2 weeks into clomid and nolva. i went from a loose hanging penis to a noodle right before my eyes. I havent been the same since.
Initially i was worried sick, but i decided to forget about it and be patient to see if my body would correct itself.
I lived a subpar life for 2 years afterwards:
Low libido
fatigue
social withdrawal and anxiety
lack of mental sharpness.
no motivation, literally would have to force myself to take care of daily responsibilities both for my current life and future aspirations.
low appetite
depressive moods.
lack of concentration (noticed it when trying to read books, couldn't get through 10 pages without being distracted.)
i could go on and on...
It wasn't until september 2017 that I'm urinating in my home toliet looking at my lifeless penis and saying to myself i know that this isnt right!
I scheduled my first appointment with my primary care and ran basic bloods. I was sure that my test was going to be low but it was high normal!
Very confused i decided to schedule a visit with a urologist, the earliest appointment would be in 1 month in october.
unwilling to wait while i sit in my condition, i decided to buy toremifene and aromasin from a RC site to see if a mini pct would help. my order came in 3 days.
Once i got it i took my first 120mg dose of torem that night and i immediately had an influx of energy and my erections felt back to normal! i thought i was going to be cured in no time! i felt like myself! i could talk to people, especially girls effortless and i was functioning in a way that i didnt know i could for 3 whole days. unfortunately after the 4th day i went back to my current condition and ive been chasing that feeling ever since.
Thus started to slew of doctor visits and blood tests that continue to this day.
Ive tried clomid and nolva on 2-3 separate occasions, hcg then clomid and nolva, aromasin solo, arimidex solo. Vitamins and supplements alike non of which had no discernible effect.
It wasnt as if my blood work came back perfect all the time either. I would address each problem one at a time such as high estrogen, high shbg, etc. unfortunately once one issue would be corrected, no real changed occurred.
I even tried TRT approximately 10 weeks ago! i had a little bit of libido and energy after 3-4 weeks but it plateaued and nothing much came out of it. Plus my testosterone usually tested high so it got way out of range to the point where it affected my liver and kidneys.
You would think id be completely despondent after learning that 2700 test levels couldn't bring penile sensitivity nor libido back! Granted my estrogen tested high and i will need to get it back in range, however ive had it in range before trying trt and it didnt change much.
Nope! I felt a certain level of peace for some reason. There is an imbalance somewhere, but now i was more curious than scared as to what it could be.
I found a great endo who's more than willing to work with me on the issue and genuinely cares about my well being.
My next appointment is July 16th.
Thank you for reading up to this point, i felt like it was important to give you a decently comprehensive history of my past.
So heres where myself and the endo are at:
She thinks its not related to my hormones and more so my neurotransmitters such as seritonin and or dopamine. My question is, is that possible? Coud i have spiked my dopamine over and over again throughout my years that i hindered my receptors?
I think it might be thyroid related. i never see too many forums pertaining to thyroid troubles and my t3 has test low, both before trt and after. however my t4 free and tsh are in good range. My endo drew blood and hopefully will do a comprehensive thyroid test as we discussed in our last visit.
I'm just truly perplexed and would like to know of any different perspectives or options that aren't usually considered. Maybe IGF-1 for example? is there a gut problem, maybe kidney and liver? If more testosterone could fix the problem, there is something esoteric that I'm definitely not considering.
If anybody could provide me with any possible info that i can search and also bring to my doctor, I'd greatly appreciate it.
PS: once i find this answer, i'll be sure to post my success here and let you know what the root cause was. I suffered for too long in this state and i want to give people a perspective and answer once i find it for those suffering anything eerily similar.
Many of you have known and tried your best to help me on these forums for a couple of years now. I would ask questions in a very panic, desperate state being worried sick about having a limp penis, low libido etc.
Today i post my question with a more inquisitive mind; how have i not recovered after all these years and various methods?
A bried synopsis of my history:
Started prohormones at 19 around 2012-2013 (young i know).
i went to a supplement shop with $80 and a product that could help me get more gains.
I was offered double dragon for $90 and superdrol 250 for $70.
Obviously only having enough for superdrol, i bought the product along with liver care and made sure to follow his instructions.
I did research on SD online and i read the warnings about only using it once you hit 21. Immediately i went back to the supplement shop and asked for a refund.
The man on duty, surely not wanting to lose his sale, informed me that its the same as drinking alcohol at 18-19 when the age is 21. As long as you do it responsibly, you'll have no problems. Also come back to me for PCT products and you'll definitely be good to go.
Being only 19 and tired of feeling weak and being pushed around, i decided to follow his advice and proceeded to use superdrol, unknowingly hinder my life as i knew it.
I used superdrol for 30 days on and 30 days off back to back to back.
I went back to him after i finished each time and he gave me this product that he swore would aid in recovery. Looking back at the products he gave me now, they were mere test boosters and such junk. He really didn't give a fuck about me, only cared about making his commission.
I stop superdrol after the 3rd time because i was already big enough and didn't have any desire to do anything anymore.
Fastforward to Nov 2014.
I'm 5'9 190 lbs and huge.
However I felt depressed and extremely anxious on top of that. Safe to say those were the sideeffects of messing with my hormones at an early age.
I felt like doing another bottle of superdrol but before i could start, BAM, I got hit by a car while crossing the street!
luckily i was fine for the most part but i suffered a decent amount of damage to my right hand, i was out of the gym for 5 months and lost 30 lbs.
Determined to get my gains back after my injury, i had a connect to my first injectable testosterone supplement. I did a 12 week cycle and got almost all my gains back! Felt great and motivated and bounced from 160-190.
Unfortunately i dropped back to 177-180 after pct but it was all good.
After this pct in the summer of 2015 is when i noticed i didnt feel quite right.
I went to the doctor for the first time and we ran blood, but my test came back fine.
Even though the tests showed all was in range, i wasn't quite convinced.
Towards for the end of summer 2015, i stupidly followed the advice of a friend who told me to just hop back on cycle, and taper my test dosage and come off correctly; i didnt taper my previous cycle. Also this would be the first cycle in which i incoorperate hcg.
i did another 12 week cycle from september to dec and started pct early Jan 2016. Towards the end of the cycle i started to experience High estrogen symptoms which i didnt know at the time, I never had to use an AI during cycle and had no idea what was going but I finished out the cycle.
I did hcg for 2 weeks after my final test shot, followed by clomid and nolva for a month. Everything was going well until 2 weeks into clomid and nolva. i went from a loose hanging penis to a noodle right before my eyes. I havent been the same since.
Initially i was worried sick, but i decided to forget about it and be patient to see if my body would correct itself.
I lived a subpar life for 2 years afterwards:
Low libido
fatigue
social withdrawal and anxiety
lack of mental sharpness.
no motivation, literally would have to force myself to take care of daily responsibilities both for my current life and future aspirations.
low appetite
depressive moods.
lack of concentration (noticed it when trying to read books, couldn't get through 10 pages without being distracted.)
i could go on and on...
It wasn't until september 2017 that I'm urinating in my home toliet looking at my lifeless penis and saying to myself i know that this isnt right!
I scheduled my first appointment with my primary care and ran basic bloods. I was sure that my test was going to be low but it was high normal!
Very confused i decided to schedule a visit with a urologist, the earliest appointment would be in 1 month in october.
unwilling to wait while i sit in my condition, i decided to buy toremifene and aromasin from a RC site to see if a mini pct would help. my order came in 3 days.
Once i got it i took my first 120mg dose of torem that night and i immediately had an influx of energy and my erections felt back to normal! i thought i was going to be cured in no time! i felt like myself! i could talk to people, especially girls effortless and i was functioning in a way that i didnt know i could for 3 whole days. unfortunately after the 4th day i went back to my current condition and ive been chasing that feeling ever since.
Thus started to slew of doctor visits and blood tests that continue to this day.
Ive tried clomid and nolva on 2-3 separate occasions, hcg then clomid and nolva, aromasin solo, arimidex solo. Vitamins and supplements alike non of which had no discernible effect.
It wasnt as if my blood work came back perfect all the time either. I would address each problem one at a time such as high estrogen, high shbg, etc. unfortunately once one issue would be corrected, no real changed occurred.
I even tried TRT approximately 10 weeks ago! i had a little bit of libido and energy after 3-4 weeks but it plateaued and nothing much came out of it. Plus my testosterone usually tested high so it got way out of range to the point where it affected my liver and kidneys.
You would think id be completely despondent after learning that 2700 test levels couldn't bring penile sensitivity nor libido back! Granted my estrogen tested high and i will need to get it back in range, however ive had it in range before trying trt and it didnt change much.
Nope! I felt a certain level of peace for some reason. There is an imbalance somewhere, but now i was more curious than scared as to what it could be.
I found a great endo who's more than willing to work with me on the issue and genuinely cares about my well being.
My next appointment is July 16th.
Thank you for reading up to this point, i felt like it was important to give you a decently comprehensive history of my past.
So heres where myself and the endo are at:
She thinks its not related to my hormones and more so my neurotransmitters such as seritonin and or dopamine. My question is, is that possible? Coud i have spiked my dopamine over and over again throughout my years that i hindered my receptors?
I think it might be thyroid related. i never see too many forums pertaining to thyroid troubles and my t3 has test low, both before trt and after. however my t4 free and tsh are in good range. My endo drew blood and hopefully will do a comprehensive thyroid test as we discussed in our last visit.
I'm just truly perplexed and would like to know of any different perspectives or options that aren't usually considered. Maybe IGF-1 for example? is there a gut problem, maybe kidney and liver? If more testosterone could fix the problem, there is something esoteric that I'm definitely not considering.
If anybody could provide me with any possible info that i can search and also bring to my doctor, I'd greatly appreciate it.
PS: once i find this answer, i'll be sure to post my success here and let you know what the root cause was. I suffered for too long in this state and i want to give people a perspective and answer once i find it for those suffering anything eerily similar.
